Okay. . . it is late at night and I have been crying for a while now. Crying over a movie, no doubt. But if you are a girl, you will surely understand that when you watch a movie that evokes the emotions that bring about tears, they start streaming for many more reasons than just from the movie you are watching. Make sense? First let me say that I have had a pretty unproductive day when I really needed to get something done. After all, we are moving this weekend and I only have four boxes packed – and they are just filled with books and movies. But I watched a friend’s kiddos for a short bit this morning. . . then managed to clean off the kitchen table and the kids art table. . . followed by some errands and a short swim for the kids at the pool. . . then a shower and out for my monthly dinner with some friends. . . then to Lowe’s. . . and home by 8:45 to find Rick getting ready for bed and me wide awake! With mounds of laundry to fold, dishes in the sink and oodles of boxes to be packed, I decided to watch a movie!
What a great plan! My friend, Holly P. saw me at church yesterday and asked if I had seen the movie, “P.S. I Love You.” She said I could borrow it. Now, obviously I have no business watching movies this week. Heck, I don’t watch movies during weeks when my life isn’t going 90 to nothing. But I sat down to watch it anyway. It is the most wonderful movie. I love movies that make you laugh and cry and give you something to think about. If you haven’t seen this movie, you need to rent it. . . and don’t watch with your husband. I was sort of doing the heaving, sobbing, ugly face cry at times. I really needed to cry, I think. But what happened, as it always does, is that I started thinking of all the other things that make me want to cry right now.
What came to mind is Addison going to Kindergarten. Sarah is probably ready to shoot me for bringing it up again. . . but I am tearful about it. . . very tearful tonight. You see, most of my friends, like Sarah, with a child going to kindergarten have children that are SO EXCITED about starting school. But Addison is not. And it makes me sad. Today we drove down a road near her school when she exclaimed in a rather hateful tone of voice, that she did not like her new school and did not want to go there. She wasn’t going to kindergarten. I was ready to burst into tears then. Why? Well, because I hate the thought that she is so much like me and doesn’t do so well with change. Okay. . . I am practically squalling as I write this just having to think about it. I want her to love school and I really think that she will, once she gets in there and gets her feet wet. But I don’t want her to be sad and fearful and full of anxiety. I can vividly remember the anxious feelings I used to get when things would change for me. And I hate it for her, that she has a hard time transitioning. She is just like her mommy.
I can so vividly remember going away to college. I was so ready and so excited, and so scared and so sad. My best friend, Kim, went with my family to take me to UT. We spent the weekend getting me all moved in my dorm room and on Sunday morning we had breakfast at Shoney’s. I remember feeling sick b/c I knew when breakfast was over it would be time to say goodbye. I remember all the hugs from everyone and then came my mom. I couldn’t let go of her. . . I didn’t want to. . . suddenly I didn’t want to stay there. . . and I had that sick feeling like on the first day of kindergarten. And I know EXACTLY how Addison feels. . . she doesn’t want me to let go of her. She wants to stay with me where it is safe and where she knows what to expect. . . but I have to let her go. And my mom hugged me tight and told me she loved me and walked out of my dorm room. And I cried a lot that day. I cried a lot that first semester. . . but guess what? I LOVED college! And it was a great growing experience.
I know that my baby will grow so much this year. . . in many ways. And I guess it is better to get all my crazy mommy tears out now rather then when she is leached onto me and I have to pry her off of me to get into her classroom. I hope the kids don’t make fun of her. That would rip my heart into a million pieces. And I hope my school has a “boo hoo room” for mommies. I have a feeling I will need to stop in for a kleenex. So, will you please pray for my sweet Addison. Pray that she will be excited about school and excited about her teacher. And pray that she will not be anxious. And pray that she doesn’t completely meltdown when I have to leave her there. I pray that I can post about that in a couple of weeks with great news! And you may want to pray that I don’t meltdown when she leaves me. . . cause you know, my life is getting ready to CHANGE and I don’t always handle that real well. . . the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, now does it?!