Boy do I have a lot to learn in this life. Why is it that some things take forever to learn?
Let me start by saying that I have been feeling a little stressed the past few days. . . like weird butterflies in my stomach. . . heart racing for no reason. . . stressed! I do have a lot going on. . . let’s see, there is: 1) moving into a new house next week 2) picking out all the paint colors for the house by this weekend 3) packing up our life for the past 10 months in this apartment 4) moving it all into the house 5) Addison starts kindergarten in 15 days 6) Addison has a hard time with change 7) I HAVE A HARD TIME WITH CHANGE 8) Addison starts kindergarten in 15 days – didn’t I already say that? Maybe it is just that I can’t stop thinking about it. . .
Now let me also say that none of this stress compares to that of many of my friends right now. And for that I am so grateful. In the past two months I have had friends and acquaintances struggling with the following: a husband who had a double lung transplant, a husband who has a serious addiction that is tearing up the family, a child who is dying, an unwanted pregnancy, the inability to conceive, and the list goes on. Needless to say that paint colors and a new house can hardly qualify as stressors when compared to many others. But we all have different circumstances and the above mentioned happen to be mine right now. Anyway. . . in the midst of all this panicky feeling stuff, my sister suggested that I start my day by reading God’s word. Novel idea, huh? I have been on my knees continually for many weeks now. But not in God’s word. Why is that? Why is it that I have time for so many things, but don’t make the time to dig into the Bible?
Here’s what happened this morning. I woke up before anyone. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I came first thing to get on the computer to check email, google reader, weather and more. The computer can’t find a server. I notice that my modem lights are not on. My phone is not working. My TV is not working. I have no cable services at all (we have internet, cable and phone together). At 6:15 am, I call Comcast to report my outage. I am frustrated. It has not rained. It has not stormed. The sun is shining bright. Why do my cable services not work AT ALL??? I try to go back to bed. I cannot go to sleep. I get back up. I eat some cereal. I wonder why my kids are sleeping so late. Ah ha! Light bulb goes off. . . maybe I should take Suzanne’s suggestion and start my day by reading my Bible. So, I get out the chronological Bible that I recently started and start reading in Exodus. Now Angie just posted about Moses a day or two ago and so I am excited to read this story though I know it by heart. I keep reading and reading and reading. I am totally enthralled with God’s word and his story of redemption.
I know all of these stories. . . Moses in a basket in the Nile River. . . Moses and the burning bush. . . the 10 plagues. . . parting of the Red Sea. . . and the Israelites all the while grumbling and complaining about something. God is delivering them and they still complain. They don’t trust God. And then Moses tells them in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” And it then it hit me. . . I need to be still. Wow! Probably doesn’t seem as earth shattering to you does it? How many times have I heard this before? “Be still. . . and know that I am God.” I can trust God. He is trustworthy. . . if there is one lesson God has been teaching me for the past year it is that I can trust him completely. Boy do I struggle with that. But why? I’m still working through the reason why it is so hard for me to trust. . . but I am learning. And right there on my couch this morning, God met me and whispered to me, “Amy, be still. Trust me. I have a plan for you. I love you more than you can imagine. I want to give you so much. And that little Addison. . . I gave her to you and Rick. . . and I love her more than you do. . . and you can trust me!”
Ahhhhh! The peace that I felt as I met with Jesus. And the peace followed me throughout my day. No butterflies today. No racing heartbeat. Peace. Now several times today I have had to tell God, “I trust you.” When I start to feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that I can trust God and I tell him that. It really helps. I have a long way to go and so much to learn!
Oh, and about the time I finished reading my Bible and meeting with God, the girls woke up. I fed them breakfast and we played. And then the cable came on, the computer server was back up and the phone started ringing. Isn’t it just like God to find the most unique ways to get our attention. I just love that about Him!